As seen on the internet
Now That’s What I Call
Cathory!
Black metal, Viking raids, and one very judgmental cat.
Not available in any store!*
Bathory is the one-man Swedish project that invented black metal and then reinvented it as Viking metal — all from a converted Stockholm garage, on a budget held together by raw conviction and feedback. Quorthon's goat-skull logo became the most feared emblem in extreme metal; his rasped vocals and trebly, ice-cold production set the template that a thousand Norwegian teenagers would imitate with far more corpse paint but far less originality. If Bathory were a cat, it would be the ancient, scarred one on the windowsill who watched every trend come and go and never once lowered itself to interact.
Officially, Bathory's merch stays grim, logo-only, and deeply unfriendly to joy — because Quorthon would never be caught dead in something that made people smile. Unofficially, even the most kvlt goat would paw at a Cathory hoodie at 3 a.m. and pretend it didn't happen.
Bathory Albums, Ranked
Ranking: Rate Your Music – Bathory discography- Blood Fire Death1988 · 3.93→ ours: The bridge from black metal ferocity to Viking grandeur — 'A Fine Day to Die' opens with acoustic longing before erupting into glorious carnage.Order now
- Under the Sign of the Black Mark1987 · 3.90Not yet pressed
- Hammerheart1990 · 3.89→ ours: The Viking metal origin document — choral chants, Norse mythology, and the album that proved you could be heavy without being fast.Order now
- Nordland I2002 · 3.67Not yet pressed
- Bathory1984 · 3.65→ ours: The debut that started it all — as cats go, this is the kitten that showed up on your doorstep at midnight and refused to leave.Order now
- Twilight of the Gods1991 · 3.65Not yet pressed
- Nordland II2003 · 3.55Not yet pressed
Liner notes
Quorthon — born Thomas Börje Forsberg on 17 February 1966 — formed Bathory in Stockholm in March 1983 at age 17. He was the sole songwriter for the band's entire run, writing all music and lyrics across every album.
Source: Wikipedia – QuorthonThe debut album Bathory (1984) was recorded at Heavenshore Studio — a converted garage in Stockholm — making it one of the most influential albums ever laid down in a car park.
Source: Wikipedia – Bathory (band)From Blood Fire Death (1988) onward, Quorthon performed nearly every instrument on every album himself, occasionally using anonymous session musicians. Bathory's lineup was essentially one person with a four-track.
Source: Wikipedia – Bathory (band)Bathory's only official music video was for 'One Rode to Asa Bay' from Hammerheart — Quorthon personally paid for its production. It aired on MTV's Headbangers Ball, though Quorthon had not yet seen it himself when he was interviewed about it.
Source: Wikipedia – Quorthon
What the operators are hearing
“After receiving this Cathory hoodie in the mail, I proceeded to put it on and venture into the big wild world. The man at the pet food store was nicer to me and a very pretty woman smiled at me. This all means that this hoodie obviously has elevated my status in the world into an elite tier. Jeff Bezos asked me to come work for him but I told him no, he's not metal enough and looks like a freaking Lex Luther wannabe anyhow. Summary: Get this hoodie. Your miserable life will finally have brutal meaning”
“I love these tank tops! They fit beautifully, they're soft and hell, it's Bathory!”
“Very comfy and it's for a good cause. Hail Bathory and Cathory Hordes!”
Frequently screamed questions
What is Cathory?
Cathory is Brutal Kittens' tribute to Bathory — the Swedish black/Viking metal project founded by the legendary one-man force known as Quorthon. Same raw energy, same iconic goat-skull spirit, now with significantly more fur and significantly fewer human sacrifices.
Do I need to know Bathory to wear this?
You need to love cats. Everything else is optional. That said, if you do know Bathory, you will feel a deep spiritual correctness when you put it on — like 'A Fine Day to Die' but without the dying part.
What does 'kvlt' mean and does this shirt have it?
Kvlt (pronounced 'cult') is extreme metal slang for something so underground, raw, and uncompromising it transcends commercialism. A cat sitting at 3 a.m. judging your life choices is extremely kvlt. This shirt is kvlt. You are kvlt. Hail.
Is Cathory available in a white version?
Yes — the Cathory White collection exists for those who prefer their darkness on a light background, like moonlight over a Scandinavian fjord, or a white cat sitting on your black hoodie.
Quorthon invented two entire genres. Can this shirt do that?
Quorthon invented black metal and Viking metal — arguably the two most dramatic genres in existence. This shirt cannot invent genres, but it has been reported to increase the wearer's social status, attract smiles from strangers, and cause Jeff Bezos to offer employment. So it's arguably doing more.
Operators are standing by. Meow meow meow.
* Fine print: it is, in fact, available right here. Made to order, printed for you. Parody, fan-made, not affiliated with Bathory.
